Going back to work...

for the first time since Friday. I've been under the weather. Although I did manage to work from home Tuesday as I was in conference call heaven (not really). I really dread going back but I'm TRYING really hard to have a good attitude and to stay calm about everything. But truthfully, I'm struggling a lot. Seriously, it feels like the world is on my shoulders. Ultimately I'm the one who is "responsible" for the success of this project. Although, I know that shouldn't be the case. I truly know why God gave us Christian community--so we don't feel alone in this world. Unfortunately, many of my coworkers don't share the same in the work world. Ugh. : (

My anxiety has been over the top lately. I even got a little anxious about the hardware floor installation guy that's coming over on Saturday to do our dining room floor. It will be fine! Why do I worry about it?

I went for a walk to the grocery store to return a redbox movie (Secret Life of Bees--must see) after work last night. Exercise definitely helps. But I can't remember another time in my life when I've been so anxious.

So I am praying the serenity prayer, and asking for the peace that passes all understanding to guard my heart and mind. And to cast all my cares on Him because he cares for me... and to be like the birds of the air who don't worry about what they will eat or drink because God cares for them... I just need this knowledge to seep deep, deep into my heart. My prayer today:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4: 6-7)

What do I want to do with my life?

All this "hardness" at work has really gotten me thinking about what I want to do with my life. Goodness, you'd think I'd know by now... but I don't. I have a liberal arts degree with 12 years experience in the financial services industry. And a masters degree in counseling to go with that. I obviously have the most experience with financial services, but I've gradually become more and more technical over the years. But not "technical" enough if that makes any sense (and I don't see myself heading in that direction either).

Some of the options I've thought about:

• Utilize my business experience and get my PMP certification (project mangement); probably 1 training class that I'd have to pay for, and 1 big ole exam = total cost of about $2000.
• Counseling--don't have enough internship hours for my licensure which is crucial to landing a job. Could work for "free" to get those hours, but that would be a bit painful financially. Also need to pass the licensure exam, which I could probably do with some effort.
• Not work! Just kidding, being home at sick for 2 days was about all I could handle without working!
• More graduate school for counseling to get a PhD in counseling. Sometimes I feel I'm completely unqualified to do real counseling. This would definitely help me feel more "experienced." Time--about 5 years and lots and lots of studying, plus tuition, plus the STUPID GRE. I cringe every time I think about taking that exam. Ugh.
• Sales--that's what many of the career assessments I've taken over the years have said I need to do. I love people, I love meeting new people. Just have NO experience. And I think it can involve a lot of travel and potentially a lot of variable income that I'm not comfortable with.

So, you all know me. What do you think I should do???

Saturday

Isaac suggested I post this evening since my last post was such a downer. He's right--and he says you can't be sad on game day--even when your beloved Tar Heels lose, and the Hawkeye's (Iowa, Isaac's alma mater) are down.

I got to see my dad and stepmom for lunch today in Durham. Carolyn and the kiddos and I traveled together to eat some yummy pizza. It was really nice to see them! Before that, I volunteered at NCRC's Women's Distance Festival 5k. I've been feeling pretty under the weather today, so I've been taking it easy since (nasty sore throat).

Strawberries were on sale, so I bought some. I used one package to make some strawberry muffins. I've never heard of those before, but they were pretty good! We'll see what we come up for the next package.

We planned to go watch a dear friend compete in a 1/2 Ironman tomorrow. But since I'm so under the weather, I think I'm going to stay home and rest. It's going to be another busy week at work, so I'll need my energy.

So, this was a random post... but I wanted to say hi.

Overwhelmed...

Goodness... work just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. Since my project started blowing up about 5 weeks ago, I can't seem to catch a break. This project was going to be my most challenging yet, and then it had to go and double in scope! So, now not only do I have to work with Raleigh, Gboro, and Gville, SC, and a group in India... I also have to work with Charlotte, Wilson, and a couple hundred people across the SE. Sounds fun, huh?

I feel completely swamped at work. I've been working at least 10-11 hour days without even having time to leave my desk for lunch. The work day is so jam-packed with things to do--completing tasks, scheduling meetings, facilitating meetings, assigning tasks, and testing the "new and improved" software, that I can barely think straight. Seriously, I feel like I'm in a state of panic that I'm going to forget something, and then the project will REALLY blow up.

I need to do something else. And I KNOW I've said this before... but I really do. Problem is, I'm not sure what that might be. Over the last 4 years my job has become more and more technical. I like the challenge of learning new things and being given more responsibility. But somehow I've strayed from what I am probably best at--PEOPLE, not software systems. I'm scared to death to try something new, especially in light of how poor our economy is right now. And I'm not even sure what to go after.

So, please pray for me. I need strength and wisdom to deal with this. Looks like work won't let up till Christmas time. And I'm not sure I can survive that long. Thanks friends!

1st Anniversary

Isaac and I celebrated our first anniversary this past weekend. We spent the weekend in West Va. rafting the Upper and Lower Gauley rivers. We had beautiful weather, and the water wasn't too cold (although our wet suits helped, I'm sure). Even the drive there was beautiful--lots of green pastures, rolling hills, mountains, and wildflowers. It was so nice to enjoy God's creation outside.


We rafted the Lower Gauley on the first day. It was a nice warm up for the next day when we rafted the Upper Gauley. The river was gorgeous! Clear water in varying shades of green. The trees had not begun to turn yet, so every place you looked you saw a sea of green trees, and beautiful rock formations running along the river.

The Upper Gauley was a much tougher trip. There were 5 or 6 class V rapids, which is the highest level you are allowed to raft commercially. (Apparently, people raft class VI's on their own--like the guy who made it down Victoria Falls... and lived to tell about it!) The first one was called "Insignificant" and that was a little ironic because it was nothing of the sort! We made it down without flipping the boat. But a few other people weren't as lucky. We plucked one rafter out of the river and he was clearly shaken up. He laid in the floor of the raft, speechless. And we had a hard time getting him back to his own raft. He didn't want to move at all--and he was a big guy. I felt a little sorry for him because we had just started the trip!

Lost Paddle was one of my favorites. It was a series of 3 pretty big drops, the middle of which was called "Hawaii 5-O." When we got to it, it seriously looked like a gigantic wave. It was quite a ride, and we managed to stay in the raft.

However, we didn't stay in the raft on a rapid called "Suckers Go Right." We asked our guide which direction we were headed, and he said, "Right, of course." He flipped the boat (although I don't think he meant to flip himself out of the boat..." and we all went swimming. I was out first because my side flipped first, and Isaac flew over my head next. I was under the raft for a brief time, and then my life jacket sucked me up to the top. I was only under water for about 5 or 6 seconds. I got my feet out in front of me and tried to ride it out. But then I realized I needed to swim. I started getting sucked toward another "hole" and for a brief moment started to panic till I saw another raft coming for me. They plucked me out of the water and I was grateful. I really wasn't that upset... and was a little relieved to get the "out of the boat" experience out of the way so I could see I could handle it if it happened again. It didn't. We stayed in the raft the rest of the time, although I think our guide tried to flip us out at the very end on a rapid called "Fluffy Bunny." It wasn't as benign as it sounded!

We drove back to NC after a long day on the river. We made it back in time to pass out in our bed. It was nice to be home.

Here is a picture of us at our anniversary dinner last night at a place called "Jibarra." The food was pretty good, and we enjoyed celebrating the actual day. We headed home to eat the wedding cake topper we saved from the wedding cake. It actually kept very well--sour cream pound cake with raspberry cream filling. YUM.


Looking forward to many more anniversaries with my sweet husband. Next year I get to pick the trip! : )

Isaac Got the Job!

This announcement deserves it's own post even though I just posted about the RNR 1/2 marathon.

ISAAC GOT THE ENERGY ENGINEER POSITION AT EATON! WOO HOO!

He'll stay at his current company, but will work out of an office MUCH closer to home. No more awful commute down Capital Blvd. Plus, it's a much more challenging job with lots of room for growth. It will involve some travel, but we're hoping for the best given the opportunity.

It's been a tough year for Isaac as he's rolled off the Leadership Development program at Eaton. But this makes it ALL worth it!

Congratulations sweetie!

Rock 'N Roll 1/2 Marathon

Isaac and I ran our first 1/2 marathon together this past weekend in Va. Beach. This was Isaac's first official half marathon, and he did great! In fact, if he hadn't been running with me, he probably would have finished much faster. : )

There were about 20,000 entrants, and about 16,000 people finished the race. The course was pretty flat, and the weather was nice--about mid 70's with a bit of humidity. We started running about 15 minutes after the official race start due to the "wave" start (they let certain amounts of people go about every 2 minutes). Luckily, our race time didn't start till after we crossed the start line (so my time looks deceiving on the race pics--I finished in 2:17, not 2:30 since it took 13 minutes to cross the start line).

The course was mobbed with people. I was prepared for that, but I thought it would thin out by mile 3 or 4. I would say it didn't ease up till about mile 10. That was a lot of ducking and weaving to pass people and get to water stops, etc.

Isaac and I tried to run our own pace. We ran 5/1 intervals meaning we ran for 5 minutes and then walked 1 minute (starting about mile 1.5). Some people clearly didn't understand that this was a strategy and a plan--not because we were tired. Studies show that you can reduce injuries and run more consistently if you alternate run and walk breaks. I whole-heartedly agree with this given that our mile splits were 10:28 to 10:34 EVERY mile for 13 miles. That's pretty consistent if you ask me. : ) Plus, the walk breaks are only supposed to slow you down about 30 seconds per mile.

At about mile 3, we passed a group of Navy supporters (Va Beach is a huge military town). They had music going and were dressed in Navy whites and waving flags. They just happened to be playing "Anchors Away" when Isaac and I passed. I took this as a good sign for things to come (as Isaac is a Navy veteran).

There were numerous bands and cheer teams on the course, and we enjoyed that. Our favorite was probably the military band and the steel drum/reggae band. You could almost forget you were running 13 miles. : ) At about mile 11, spectators (unaffiliated with the race) handed out "chilly willy" popsicles. I didn't get one, but I thought the support was tremendous. Some people that lived on the course used their water hoses to cool off runners, and had their own music playing to s upport the runners. Gotta love it!

By about mile 11-12, I was pretty much done. I didn't really look for the mile markers until then, which was a good thing. We headed back toward the beach and huge crowds lined the course. A little after mile 12 we ran up to the boardwalk and finished the last mile boardering the ocean. It was nice--but I was HAPPY to see the finish line.

We finished and got great attention by the finish line volunteers. They gave us water, popsicles (I ate one this time!), bananas, and cold towels. It was heavenly. I dropped Isaac off on a lawn and then headed back to mile 13 to watch for Kathleen. I saw her about 10 minutes later and ran the last .1 miles in with her. She did so well, especially since she didn't get to train as much as she would have liked for various reasons.

We headed back home to shower, then enjoyed a nice meal at 5 Guys. We earned it! Then headed back to the beach for the post race Black Crowes concert. By about 9:00, we were all exhausted and went back to Kathleens and collapsed into bed.

It was a great race, and I'm really glad we did it. We'll see what race is next. Raleigh has the city of Oaks 1/2 marathon and marathon on Nov 1, but the race fee is $75. Ouch. I literally could spend a fortune on race fees! So, we'll see.

Have a good day everyone...