I have a new nephew!

Hi all. I've been in DC visiting my twin sister. She had her baby early, early Saturday morning via c-section. She called me around midnight to tell me her water had broken. I was so excited I could barely get back to sleep. Then I got a text message with a picture of Michael Joseph, so by the time 6 am rolled around, I HAD to get up. Baby Michael was 8 lbs 13 ozs and just perfect. He is a beautiful baby and is doing well. Kathleen is healing well too.

I certainly was reminded how grueling caring for a newborn can be. I had honestly forgotten the feedings every 2-3 hours. I don't remember it being that bad with Mark. But then again I was on maternity leave and he was my first. I also kind of think you're so in love with the baby that it wouldn't matter even if you didn't get any sleep.

We had to postpone our yard work till this coming weekend. We've gotten so much rain that it has been impossible to spread dirt. The weather is supposed to cooperate this weekend, so hopefully it will be all ready for seeding on Monday. I'm honestly just ready to be done with it. If I could do it again, I would just let the weeds be! : )

I'm thinking and praying through how to decrease the stress in my life, and how to approach a possible career change. I know something's gotta give, but I'm not sure or exactly how to go about it. Relationships are the most important thing to me, and I want to have more time and energy to invest in those. Mostly, I just want to feel better and have the emotional stability to be patient with my family, invest in my relationship with God and in teaching Mark about God, and to feel like I am making a difference in the world. I'm sure you'll hear much more about this as I pray and think through it. But in the meantime I would love your prayers.

Some verses I'm meditating on today:

John 14:1 – Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.

Hebrews 13:5 – Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Matthew 28:20 – and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Psalm 147:3 – He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Sick

It's no wonder I'm sick... waking up super early several days in a row doesn't help my immune system.  Plus, I think Mark was a little under the weather over the weekend and it's catching up with me.  I'm staying home today and am going to TRY to rest.  I have a couple conference calls to do... but my primary goal is REST.

No baby Starkey yet.  I'm still praying he bakes through the weekend.  I could REALLY, REALLY use to be here to help with yard work and Mark child care.  Plus, I'd prefer NOT to get Kathleen and family sick from my illness.  I left my cell phone in the kitchen last night.  I did it on purpose.  I finally decided that I wouldn't be help to anyone if I wasn't well-rested.  And waking up in the middle of night wondering if Kathleen had called wasn't going to be helpful to that goal.

I was thinking about the Westminster Shorter Catechism today.  It's one of the Presbyterian (and Protestant) church's doctrinal guides.  I LOVE the first question and answer:

Q. What is the chief end of man?
A. Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.

Did you catch the answer?  To glorify and ENJOY God.  There are lots of scripture references that support this part of the answer:

Psalm 144:15, Isaish 12:2, Philippians 4:4.  But I am relishing the fact that God wants to bring us joy and he want to bring us peace and love and happiness.  Not that our Christian faith is all about "feeling good."  But it is an aspect of my faith journey that I sometimes forget.  I know that probably sounds weird.  Why would people want to know God unless this was a big part of it?  But I honestly forget this sometimes....

Up since 4:30

We had a great anniversary.  We purchased a Living Social deal to a fancy restaurant and really, really enjoyed our food.  We estimate we consumed a 1/2 lb of butter between us.  YUM.  Mark was with a babysitter from his school, so he was well taken care of.

But for whatever reason, I'm here and up at early again.  I got up searching for my cell phone to see if Kathleen had called in the middle of the night from going into labor.  I finally found my cell phone right beside the bed, charging.  I forgot I had brought it back with me.  Last year when Matthew was born, I missed Kathleen's phone call because I left my phone in the kitchen and didn't hear it.  Not the end of the world, but I need to know when she goes into labor so I can pack and get on the road.  You'd think I was the one having the baby with the anticipation I'm feeling!  : )

My dad is scheduled to come to Raleigh this weekend to help us in the yard.  We have some big holes to fill in the yard from pine trees that were cut down after a big hurricane years ago.  The root systems have sunk into the ground over time leaving us with lovely gaps--gaps that can cause sprained ankles too!  We also removed all the bushes from the front of the yard.  They were so overgrown and dwarfed  our short ranch house.  So, we need to re-plant the shrubs and buy a few shade trees.  I'm glad dad will be here to help.  I just wish I could guarantee that I would be here to help.  It all depends on baby Starkey.  : )  I found a nursery about 30 minutes away that has excellent prices.  We just need to rent or borrow a truck so we can pick the stuff up! 

We also have a slight drainage problem in the back yard.  And we have some holes in the crawl space covers that need to be patched.  Our pest control guy kindly reminded us that we need to get this done before the weather gets much cooler unless we want some friends in the house.  No thanks!  Maybe I can call someone to help with these tasks.  Honestly, Isaac's to do list is long enough.  And there are certain things I just can't help with.  Not planning on using a drill any time soon... I need my hands in good working order!  (I'm klutzy.)

And then finally, we seem to have an issue with our thermostat.  It's a fancy programmable one, but neither Isaac nor me can get it to work properly.  It was 80 degrees in one part of our house last night.  Fortunately, not the side we sleep on.  But goodness.  Add that to the list too.   

So, no wonder I'm feeling sleepless... Fall is the time to do many of these things, so it isn't like I can just put it off.  Planting grass and then digging a hole weeks later to solve the drainage problem is not an option.  So, maybe it's time to call in some reinforcements.  : )

If anyone wants to come over and hang house numbers, plant trees, or trim bushes... please let us know!  And in the meantime, baby Starkey, I need another week.  Please listen to your aunt and arrive AFTER the weekend.  Thank you very much!  : )

Now to shower and tackle this day.  I wonder when I'll crash? : )

Happy Anniversary Isaac!

Today is our 3rd anniversary.  Isaac and I spent a couple minutes this morning recollecting what we were doing on the morning of our wedding three years ago.  It was so fun to recall that weekend!  We really did have a lovely wedding weekend surrounded by close family and friends.  Needless to say, I am so grateful for the blessing of Isaac.

 

We got a 4 mile run in last night.  The weather was idyllic and cool.  Mark was a trooper in the jog stroller.  Of course, Isaac has to push the stroller for me.  It's all I can do to run right now, much less push a 25 lb baby while running!  We are doing some walk breaks interspersed so that's helping things be more manageable.  I didn't expect to take this long to get back into regular exercise after having Mark, but that's just the way things turned out.  Our new neighborhood is on the Turkey Trot 8k course, so we'll be ready for the hills on Thanksgiving Day.  That race is a tradition in our family, although we missed it last year because Isaac's grandmother passed away around Thanksgiving time.  I think the exercise helped me sleep better last night... although I was wide awake from 4:30-5:15.  Oh well, at least Mark slept through the night last night!

I'm meditating on these scriptures today:

"This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’ Therefore you will flee! You said, ‘We will ride off on swift horses.’ Therefore your pursuers will be swift! A thousand will flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five you will all flee away, till you are left like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, like a banner on a hill.” Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" (Isaiah 30:15-18)

God is so good.  Even though we refuse his rest, he is gracious and compassionate.  I really need to feel that grace and compassion these days.  I am far too hard on myself (and the people I love).  So, I'm praying that God will help me quietly dwell in his presence and remember his loving character.

Another post!

I am going to try to keep posting as much as I can.  I think there is a direct correlation between my processing on this blog and how I feel emotionally.  I didn't sleep that well last night.  Poor baby Mark is teething and needed some mama love and iburpofen at 2 am.  Then my dumb brain decided to be up from 2-3, so I was pretty weary when I got up this morning.  I am going to MAKE myself go for a run this afternoon.  I think that will help me sleep better and just feel better physically.

I am getting through the work day okay.  Knowing that I'm going to be out of town when Kathleen's baby comes is the impetus for that.  I have to check some things off my to do list before I am out of the office.  I'm trying not to obsess over when she's going to have her baby, but the closer we get to her scheduled c-section date of September 30, that harder that is.  I am ready to meet this sweet baby!  But I also want to be sure I have the energy to help out when I'm there.  I'm contemplating leaving Mark with Isaac while I go to DC.  But that is a tough decision for me.  It would make it lots easier to care for Matthew one on one.  But I'm also afraid I'll miss him way too much.  It'll probably be a game time decision.

Meditating and praying these words from Matthew today:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Lord please help me rest in you and depend on your strength.  Lift some of the burdens I am feeling, and help me find rest for my soul.

Trying to catch my breath

We're finishing up another busy weekend at the Johnson house.  I didn't get nearly as much accomplished as I would have liked to--and I've felt pretty ick.  I've been taking prednisone to treat my poison ivy, and I swear it has turned me into a crazy lady.  (If you don't believe me, ask Isaac!)  Today was my last dose, so hopefully I'll feel like my normal self soon. 

Mark had a teacher workday on Friday, so I was home with Mark till after lunch.  I went into the office for some afternoon meetings, and honestly wished I had stayed home.  Work continues to be a huge source of stress for me, and I'm starting to feel really unhappy there again.  Some of you may remember I had a brief reprieve after I came back from maternity leave, but the honeymoon is over!

I wish I knew what I wanted to do occupationally speaking.  I'm torn between looking at the job as a means to an end (read: paycheck).  But it's a struggle.  I don't feel qualified to counsel (I have my master's degree in counseling) but it would be nice to do something more significant with my time.  To make matters worth, I make a relatively good salary, so changing to a new field would probably mean a significant pay cut for me.  With our very young family--paying off school loans, saving for college and retirement, etc.--it's hard to think about significantly impacting our bottom line.  So, I'm still trying to weigh my options and see what possible paths are ahead for me.  But, in my heart I know I need to do something different.

I've always been a little reluctant to talk about my job here because this is a public blog.  But I need a place to process.  I've always been an extremely high performer getting the highest possible rating.  But the last 2 years I've gotten "average" ratings.  I won't even get into the details, but suffice it to say that it's also impacting my ability to transfer within my company.  I interviewed for a job last year in another department and they asked why my performance rating had gone down over the last 2 years.  I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach!  I explained it as best I could.  But it became apparent that I couldn't transfer until I increased my performance rating... and that can't happen until April 2012 (if it even happens then!).  So, I feel trapped. 

I literally dread going into work tomorrow.  But I will try to make the most of it.  I'll get a few days off--if you can call it that--to go help my twin sister after her new baby arrives.  She is scheduled for a c-section on September 30, but she tends to go early.  So, maybe that will help!?  Goodness... maybe I'll get a break some time?

I could use all the good thoughts and prayers you can spare.  I'm ready to feel less emotionally volatile, and I know Isaac is too!!!  I'm going to go for now.  I've promised myself I am going to bed early.  I only slept a little over 5 hours last night and I'm beat (which also makes me feel worse).  Sweet dreams everyone.

Been a long time...

Hi all. Sorry I've been so slack at posting. We have had an incredibly busy summer selling the condo, then searching for and negotiating a house for us. We moved out of the condo on July 28th and it was pretty bittersweet. We made so many good memories in the condo--it's where we met, dated, got engaged, got married, and then brought Mark home from the hospital. It will always hold a special place in our hearts.

But we are glad to have more space and a yard for Mark to play in. We have a guest room (for now anyway) and lots of room to have company. Please come see us in our new house if you can! It's only about 2 miles from our old condo, so the neighborhood is much the same. And I still live close to my older sister Carolyn. It's so nice to be so close to family.

Mark turned 1 on July 9. We had a birthday party for immediate family at our condo. We had Cooper's barbeque and delicious fixings. Mark likes the birthday cake, but I'm not sure he knew what to do with it... so I ended up feeding a good bit to him. He really just enjoyed having his awesome family around and playing with the giant cupcake ballon we bought him!

Moving was our "vacation" this year, so we'll have to wait another year for a "real" vacation. It was 104 degrees the day we moved, but we survived it with the help of some great movers called TROSA. They are a long term drug treatment center whose mission is to train program participants in job skills while working on their addictions. The money raised on the moving funds the program. It's quite a great service, and the team did a great job moving us. If you need movers in the NC Area, I highly recommend them. They are also incredibly affordable--probably 1/2 the price of most movers.

I turned 35 in mid August and was treated to homemade dinner and cake by my wonderful husband Isaac and his sister Anna. It was also a treat to go to church with Isaac (as Mark's stranger anxiety has made that difficult the past few months). We will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary on September 20! And I truly am grateful I get to be married to such a sweet and loving man. Thank you God!

Better sign off for now. I am going to try to do better at posting. If you're still out there, thanks for reading!