Heart broken

I've been putting off writing this, but I need to get it out.

We found out what's going on with my mom. She has a disease called Pulmonary Fibrosis. She also had pneumonia, but this is the much more serious issue. Pulmonary Fibrosis is terminal, meaning it will not go away. The damage to her lungs can't be reversed or halted. It's a progressive disease that causes scarring on healthy lung tissue. The result is difficulty breathing, and over time, it gets worse and worse.

We are still trying to figure out how rapidly this disease is progressing. It could be that we have several more good years with her. She will have CT scans every 3 months to see what's happening. There is a chance they will do an open lung biopsy to do a definitive diagnosis. But I don't want her to go through that unless it is absolutely necessary. She had some complications during her broncosopy last month, and that was scary enough.

There isn't much we can do right now except wait. I'm grateful mom is going to meet the new baby in DC this week. I think it will do her a lot of good to get out of the house and meet her new grandson. I almost wish I had gone with her... but there will be more time.

She goes back to the dr in early December for a follow up appointment and to receive the results of the CT scan (that's in late November). Please pray that we'll all get through the waiting as best we can, and that we can lean on one another and God to walk this path.

I have to say, this is not what I wanted. I need my mom.

Back from Iowa

We had a great trip to Iowa City for Homecoming. Iowa beat Indiana on a beautiful, sunny Saturday afternoon. Mark was SUCH A TROOPER flying to Chicago then riding with us on the 4 hour drive to Iowa City. He didn't really nap more than 20 minutes each day, but he slept like a champ at night, and did so, so well.

Things that entertained Mark on our journey:

• The moving walkways and escalators at the airport. We must have circled and ridden them back and forth and up and down a million times over the weekend. He LOVED it and he got a lot of smiles from other air travelers. It truly helped us pass time in the airport while we were waiting for our flight and luggage.



• Yogurt raisin boxes. You'd think he'd want to EAT the raisins, but he mostly wanted to take all the raisins out of the box, and then put them back in the box one at a time. Same with the airline pretzels. SCORE!



• Airline drink with lid and straw. Our sweet flight attendant brought Mark his own drink with a lid and straw. Mark loved taking the straw out of the lid and putting it back in. Then he loved trying to fish out the ice of the cup and even put some in his mouth.



• Flirting with other people. I swear my child is a little Romeo. He was referred to as "Smiley" no less than a million times on our trip. How can you resist the sweet smile of a cute 1 year old? I sure can't! At one point, we were at the homecoming parade. Mark had gotten an Iowa flag and was running up and down the sidewalk with his flag. People were smiling, laughing, and giving him high-5's. It was priceless!

We had perfect weather for our trip (although it will start snowing there soon!). We enjoyed catching up with old friends, attending the open house at the Engineering school, and cheering on the Hawkeye's at the football game. Isaac has some wonderful friends, and they were so generous with their time and resources. We are truly blessed.

Mark decided he had enough on the way home. We didn't fly into Raleigh until about midnight on Sunday night, so technically I consider that boarderline child abuse. He didn't start melting down till we landed, so luckily our fellow passengers only had a couple minute to endure our very tired child's crying.

I'll post pics as soon as I find the USB cord to our camera.

Bullet Points

Another bullet style post for today.

• We're going to Iowa this weekend for Isaac's homecoming at the Univ of Iowa. I'm excited about going, yet a bit nervous about the flight to Chicago and 4 hour drive to Iowa City with Mark. We have free plane tickets on SW Air, so Chicago was the closest we could get. Plus, we have a non-stop flight from RDU so we won't have to deal with any plane changes. Our plane leaves at 6 am on Friday am! Whew. I hope we're ready for that. : )



• We had a lovely weekend with Isaac's mom and sister. We had beautiful fall weather, and enjoyed getting outside for a walk, picking out pumpkins, and even painting a couple. I'll TRY to post some pictures later. They are coming back for Thanksgiving and we can't wait! It is such a pleasure to have them visit.



• My mom's pneumonia isn't going away. The chest x-ray she had last week is not clear. I visited her on Sunday and I can tell she is short of breath. She has a follow up dr's appt today, and my sister is going with her. So I hope to have some more answers soon. The drs have talked about doing a lung biopsy to see what might be going on. That's a scary thought, but we need to know what's going on. She's been ill for over 2 months now.



• Our grass is starting to sprout, but much more slowly than we'd like to see. There are huge patches of dirt as well. We can see the grass seed laying on the top, and are watering like crazy. Our lawn man said if things aren't better by next week, he'll come by and check it out. I would really have expected it to look better than it does right now.



• Isaac bought a hay bale from the farmers market, so we have a lovely fall display outside: pumpkins, gourds, mums, and corn shalks. I found a pumpkin-shaped placemat at Target for a couple dollars, and taped it to the front door. So, we have a very festivey house! FUN.



• I'm trying to be better about reading my bible and praying. I can tell the more I do it, the more I WANT to do it. But it's still a struggle if I'm honest. I'm meditating on Paul's words in Galatians today:

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.

The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)

• I once read a biography of Amy Carmichael--missionary to India--and the book talked about how one of her goals was to walk with God all day long. I'm praying that I--and YOU--will be able to do this. Come Lord Jesus and abide with us!

He's Always Been Faithful!

Have you ever heard the song "He's Always Been Faithful" by Sara Groves? If you haven't, click here. The song is based on verses in Lamentations 3: 22-23 which is also what the hymn "Great is Your Faithfulness" is based on:

"Because of the LORD's great love

we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness."

How I need to be reminded of this on a daily basis. God never fails us, and every day we have a new opportunity to live in His love and be encouraged in the greatness of our God.

Later in Lamentations (3: 31-33), we find these verses :

"For no one is cast off by the Lord forever.

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,

so great is his unfailing love.

For he does not willingly bring affliction

or grief to anyone."

What a relief! He does not willingly bring us pain, and he will show us compassion when we ask for it. I love meditating on the compassion and love of God (when I can remember to do so), probably because I need these things so desperately. How I deceive myself time and time again that I can do it on my own! And how quickly I wind up mired in pain and grief--all of my own doing. But all I need to do is remember God's faithfulness to me and remember my need for Him. He isn't going to force me to follow him, but he gently reminds me to follow Him on a daily basis. I struggle so, so hard with this!

And still later in Lamentations 3: 55-57:

"I called on your name, LORD,

from the depths of the pit.

You heard my plea:

“Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.”

You came near when I called you,

and you said, “Do not fear.”

So, God, I'm asking for your help. I need your guidance on career, life balance, and in trusting you more. I need your help to stop relying on my own strength. It's just a facade, when in reality, you are the reason anything goes well in my life. Without you I am nothing.

I need your strength and courage to follow your leading, and it use my gifts and talents for YOUR glory.

Amen.

Day off!

Today is Columbus day and I have the day off! We had a great weekend--hosted a meal for homeless families at our church, worked around the house and yard, and took Mark to Shelley Lake. He loved walking on the path and greeting all the runners and walkers. He is like a mini-welcome wagon! Too cute! He is so into saying "Hi" and "Bu-bye" right now. (It makes it hard to go to work in the morning.) And he loved the playground. I can tell we are going to have a fearless child. He was all over the play structure and slides. It was hard to take him home when it was time. We'll be back soon.

Isaac and I went to a reception for one of Isaac's Navy friends. Kevin is originally from NC and he moved back to go to NC State years ago. He and Isaac connected on Facebook awhile back. Kevin got married in Mexico over the summer, and he and his wife had a party in Raleigh to celebrate. It was a lovely evening for a party, and I really enjoyed meeting Kevin and Tara. Tara moved to NC from South Dakota for her OB/GYN residency at UNC. And she now practices in Raleigh. I can hardly tell you how cute she is! Mark stayed home with a babysitter, so Isaac and I had a few hours to ourselves. Nice.

I picked out trees and shrubs today. That is another weight off my shoulders! Our landscaping guy is going to plant it all for us. It will be SO SO nice to check this off our list. It turns out the nursery we went to is owned by a fellow church member, so it was nice to have that connection. Good thing we were on our best behavior! ; )

So, after some errands, grocery shopping, and cleaning I'm now on the couch till my guys get home. I'm trying not to feel guilty about the fact I have two hours all to myself!

Ramblings

Hi. It's been a week since I've written. Trying to get back in the groove after being in DC to help with the new baby. Thought I'd do bullets since my mind is all jumbled up right now:

• We finished spreading the topsoil over the weekend. The lawn guy came and put down the grass seed on Tuesday, so now evenings are spent watering the lawn to get the grass to grow. I love my neighborhood, but wow, it's hard to get work done when neighbors are stopping every 10 minutes to talk.


• There was a construction accident at our church on Tuesday--where Mark goes to daycare. The workers severed a gas line right at drop off time. It was chaos and a nightmare. Everyone was safe, but I was less than pleased in the manner in which it was handled. Commence calls to multiple people at the church, talks with the directors, etc. I still don't feel better about it. May need to consider moving Mark to another place. There have been multiple "issues" since Mark has been there, but we've tried to work through it b/c it's our church. I'm honestly getting tired "working it out."


• I went for a jog on Tuesday evening to let off some steam. I ran 3 miles and only took 1 walk break. It was a lovely evening and I enjoyed using my anniversary gift, a new iPod touch, to listen to Adele. Hate that she's had to cancel her US tour due to voice problems. If you haven't heard "Set Fire to the Rain," go listen now and get ready to jam: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlsBObg-1BQ


• My mom is still battling her pneumonia. She's been sick almost 2 months, including a week hospital stay. I feel like she will get well, it's just going to take some time.


• Isaac put out our "Happy Halloween" flag this week. This is one of Isaac's favorite "holidays" due to the presence of lots of candy, cute costumes, and lack of the usual family stress that can accompany the holidays.


• Mark has 12 teeth and is getting more. He is a drool-bug these days. He's letting us brush his teeth though, so I'm glad about that. I think he just likes the sweetness of the toothpaste (no flouride in it). : )


• Iowa homecoming is in 2 weeks. I initially told Isaac I wasn't going... but I find myself getting a little excited about it. Not so excited about flying 1/2 way across the country... but oh well! Isaac wants to show Mark off. I think that is PRECIOUS.


• Mark is a dancing fool. He can now dance with both his upper and lower body. He carries around my iPod and dances to whatever comes up. He is also apparently quite the dancer in chapel at daycare too! LOVE!

That's enough for now. I promise to be more organized next time and to post pictures. I'm still not back in the groove of uploading them since we got a new PC. Have a happy Thursday!