Thoughts

I have a lot on my mind lately, and I've been having a hard time articulating what's "bothering" me. So I thought I'd give a shot at writing it here. I'm going to do bullets because they are easier for me. Sometimes I totally shut down at the thought of writing long paragraphs. (Hilarious since I was an English major and can churn out papers like crazy!)

• My twin sister is getting married at some point in the next several months. She is also due with a baby boy about 2 weeks after my due date (she's also mom to my niece Haley--love that girl!). I don't know why I'm allowing myself to stress so much about her getting married, move to DC, baby, etc. But it's affected my ability to enjoy where I am now--pregnant, happily married, and doing pretty darned well. I am trying to let things be, but I'm struggling. The fact that she is my twin definitely pulls on my heart strings more. I want her to have everything she wants, but there is also the issue of time crunch. Getting married, quitting her job, moving to DC, and having a baby in the next 5 months or so. Wow.
• I really don't like my job. I'm finding it harder to get out of bed in the mornings, and I know it's job related. I feel a little trapped since I'm pregnant, and I don't feel comfortable looking for a new job right now. But the thought of enduring another year of this is weighing on me.
• Which brings me to maternity leave. I will have b/t 6-8 weeks paid leave. I can take a total of 12 weeks leave and still come back to the same job (but the difference is unpaid). Isaac and I have tried to save for the unpaid part. I can take another 12 weeks off, but I'm not guaranteed my job when I come back. And it's unpaid. Plus, there is no guarantee that I will be able to get another job within the company. If they can't find anything for me, I will be "laid off" with severance (I have no idea what that is at this point). When the baby is born, I will be 6 months away from my 5 year vesting in the pension plan, and in year 1 of my stock options. This isn't a whole lot of money, but I worked hard for it. How should I factor this into my maternity plans?
  
• So writing this, my job is really what is causing me the most distress right now. I wish I could trust that God would provide for all that I need. Deep down I KNOW that, but I wish I had a greater sense of peace about it. Isaac is extremely supportive and would support me in anything I decide--even staying at home (which would be very tight financially).

I would greatly appreciate your support and prayers during this time. I want to hear from God and feel peace about what I need to do. I don't want my fear to rule my life--and I have a tendency to let this happen. Thanks friends. It means more than you know.

Verse for today: "Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer." (Psalm 4:1)