Thoughts

I have a lot on my mind lately, and I've been having a hard time articulating what's "bothering" me. So I thought I'd give a shot at writing it here. I'm going to do bullets because they are easier for me. Sometimes I totally shut down at the thought of writing long paragraphs. (Hilarious since I was an English major and can churn out papers like crazy!)

• My twin sister is getting married at some point in the next several months. She is also due with a baby boy about 2 weeks after my due date (she's also mom to my niece Haley--love that girl!). I don't know why I'm allowing myself to stress so much about her getting married, move to DC, baby, etc. But it's affected my ability to enjoy where I am now--pregnant, happily married, and doing pretty darned well. I am trying to let things be, but I'm struggling. The fact that she is my twin definitely pulls on my heart strings more. I want her to have everything she wants, but there is also the issue of time crunch. Getting married, quitting her job, moving to DC, and having a baby in the next 5 months or so. Wow.
• I really don't like my job. I'm finding it harder to get out of bed in the mornings, and I know it's job related. I feel a little trapped since I'm pregnant, and I don't feel comfortable looking for a new job right now. But the thought of enduring another year of this is weighing on me.
• Which brings me to maternity leave. I will have b/t 6-8 weeks paid leave. I can take a total of 12 weeks leave and still come back to the same job (but the difference is unpaid). Isaac and I have tried to save for the unpaid part. I can take another 12 weeks off, but I'm not guaranteed my job when I come back. And it's unpaid. Plus, there is no guarantee that I will be able to get another job within the company. If they can't find anything for me, I will be "laid off" with severance (I have no idea what that is at this point). When the baby is born, I will be 6 months away from my 5 year vesting in the pension plan, and in year 1 of my stock options. This isn't a whole lot of money, but I worked hard for it. How should I factor this into my maternity plans?
  
• So writing this, my job is really what is causing me the most distress right now. I wish I could trust that God would provide for all that I need. Deep down I KNOW that, but I wish I had a greater sense of peace about it. Isaac is extremely supportive and would support me in anything I decide--even staying at home (which would be very tight financially).

I would greatly appreciate your support and prayers during this time. I want to hear from God and feel peace about what I need to do. I don't want my fear to rule my life--and I have a tendency to let this happen. Thanks friends. It means more than you know.

Verse for today: "Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer." (Psalm 4:1)

Stress

I've done pretty well so far this year in dialing down my stress level at work. However, I'm noticing that my stress level is starting to creep back up, and I want to do something about that. The beginning of the year is notoriously slower than normal because departments are working on goals and budgets. But now, people are starting to come out of their cocoons and want help NOW and as soon as possible.

I need to figure out how to defer some projects and reduce the expectations I put on myself. There are so many good projects I can work on now, but 3 at once is probably too much. : ) Please pray for me as I try to nip this in the bud. I was really proud of my efforts at stress reduction for the first 6 weeks of the year. I just need to figure out a way to get back to there.

My verse for today and this week:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

EEYORE!

We got the sweetest package of gifts for Baby J in the mail this week. My Mother in Law is one of THE sweetest and most thoughtful people in the world. And I was just blown away by her generosity and thoughtfulness.

Our package had a stuffed Eeyore in it. (The picture below was downloaded from the internet.) He is THE softest stuffed animal I have ever held! Isaac loves Eeyore (and Tigger) so his mom thought it would be nice for our baby to have one for himself. EXCEPT, I am keeping Eeyore with me till the baby comes. He is so cuddly and cute, I love him!

Our package also had a set of baby socks--they are so sweet and tiny. And a soft baby blanket to wrap Baby J in. It makes me so excited to think about meeting our baby in person. But, for now, the baby has some more baking to do.

Isaac's mom also wrote a really sweet note to the baby explaining why she bought each gift for him--socks so he will have something on his feet, that maybe one day he'll want to run like his mama, Eeyore because his dad loved Eeyore and she wanted to him to have it, and a snuggly blanket to wrap him up so he'll know how loved and adored he is. That letter is going in the baby book for sure--brought tears to my eyes!

I'm almost 20 weeks, so almost half way there. It's hard to believe this time has passed so quickly! I had a regular OB check up yesterday and I got to hear baby's heart beat again. It is probably one of the best sounds around. It was a relief for me to hear it because I was a little worried I jostled Baby J a little too much on Saturday at the race. I was so sore for a couple days, but I'm fine now. I think my running days may be numbered till after the baby comes. That's fine with me as long as Baby J stays healthy!

Krispy Kreme Challenge

February 6th: Day of the Krispy Kreme Challenge. I promised myself I would run if it wasn't raining this morning. No rain (just COLD!), so Isaac and I headed off to the race bundled up like snow men.

Let me explain the origins of the KK Challenge. A few years ago, a group of NC State students had the grand idea that they would run from the Bell Tower on campus 2 miles down the road to the local Krispy Kreme. There they would consume 1 dozen glazed doughnuts and then race back to the Bell Tower. First person back to the Bell Tower was the winner, BUT you had to keep the doughnuts down to win. So, fast forward several years later. The Krispy Kreme Challenge was born, and now it's an official race that attracts 6000 runners each year (the max allowed). The race benefits the NC Children's Hospital in Chapel Hill (go Heels!). Last year they raised $30,000. WOW.

We're lucky that we live a little over a mile from where the race started. We arrived shortly before race time and huddled in a group to stay warm. We were sad that my friends Julie and Amy from Winston-Salem weren't able to make the race due to snow in their area. But we were determined to run for all of us. Here's Isaac before the race. Don't you love his hat? SO cute. (Too bad I cut the Bell Tower off in this picture! Need to work on my photography skills.)

Here's a picture of me before the race. (Note that Isaac, a far superior photographer than me) did NOT cut off the top of the Bell Tower.) I'm 19 weeks pregnant today, but you still can't tell that I'm pregnant. (If I took off my sweatshirt, you could tell a little bit.) This was Baby J's second race. I ran the Wicked 10k in Virginia Beach when I was 5 weeks pregnant. We saw tons of parents running with jog strollers and their children. I hope we can do that with our little one.

Then we spotted some cool celebrity guests that showed up for the race. I had to get a picture of them. So cute! There were other people dressed up like doughnuts, carrying a fishing pole with a doughnut at the end, and in all types of crazy outfits. It really made things festive.
The race started and we were off for the Krispy Kreme store on Peace Street, 2 miles away. The course was mobbed with runners, but I was just trying to take it easy. Isaac ran on ahead (at my insistence) and I chilled out to some tunes on my Shuffle. Once I got to the Krispy Kreme, it was a crazy house. There were wall to wall people (runners and spectators) and I could barely get through. This isn't a race where you really run for time, so I wasn't that concerned about how much it slowed me down.

Then I turned the corner and ran into this handsome guy. Isaac was valiantly trying to consume his dozen doughnuts. (I didn't even try.) He got most of them down, but of course I felt that I should help him out, so I ate 2 of the doughnuts and we were back on our way.

We ran back to the Bell Tower, going up some steep hills in the process. Isaac managed to keep his doughnuts down and took off for the finish. I had to walk on one of the hills, but that didn't bother me too much. Soon, I saw the finish line. I crossed it and immediately saw Isaac waiting for me. He greeted me with a hug, then asked me, "What the heck was I thinking?" I think he was a bit nauseous from the doughnuts.

Perhaps this was a once in a lifetime experience... don't know that we can really afford to eat a dozen doughnuts at a time. Don't quite have the metabolisms we had in college! But we had a great time, and I'm glad we got out there in the 35 degree weather. It really wasn't that cold once we got started, and we'll have some great memories.

Hope Baby J isn't getting addicted to those doughnuts though. After I ate my doughnuts I could feel him moving around. He was probably crazed from a combination of the sugar high and the bouncing from my running. He's a tough cookie already!

Now go out and get yourself some doughnuts!

Snow and Weekend Plans

Raleigh got about 3-5 inches of snow this past weekend, depending on where you lived. We had an awesome Saturday sledding with my sister, BIL, and niece and nephew. We even got to see our pastor (my sister's next door neighbor) sled down the hill a couple times! FUN.

School is here for the third day in a row. They are potentially calling for more yucky weather this weekend, and my best girls are supposed to be visiting from Winston. The Krispy Kreme Challenge is Saturday morning. I will run the race if it's cold, but not if it's cold AND raining. Sounds like a good idea for a 19 week pregnant lady, right? I'm ready for the icky weather to head out so I can get back to it. : ) And I really, really want to see Baby J's "October aunties" (so named b/c Julie and Amy both have October bdays!). We are also planning to watch the Super Bowl with some good friends in town, so that will be fun too!

In other news, the tile guy is finishing up our bathroom today. A 2 week project got dragged out to 4 weeks. I guess that's the joy of home construction. We tried sanding and staining the bathroom cabinets, but that isn't going to work b/c the stain isn't sinking in consistently. We'll go to plan B which is to paint the cabinets white. That will look good too! And then finally paint the walls (as soon as I pick out paint color)... and we'll almost be done with the bathroom. Good thing Baby J won't be here till summer b/c the next project will be his room. Fun!

Guess I should get to work. Happy Wednesday everyone!